Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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