I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
