Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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