The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
