I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
