those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Your cock deserves a montage
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
