Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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