So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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