My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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