If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
