drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
