oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
