i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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