i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
