yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
