There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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