by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
