my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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