My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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