Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I had to cum in my sink.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
