her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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