I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
