What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
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