Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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