then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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