Plan B is the new Plan A
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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