I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
