Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
