I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
