mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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