I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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