I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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