Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
