I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
