Buhtt sex?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
