coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
