1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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