Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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