did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
