You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
