You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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