it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
how drunk are you?
Several
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
