I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
