I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
