We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
