She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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