I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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