You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
