we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
