i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
