No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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