I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
